Techno, A vulnerable reflection on hiding deep e

How do you see my life style!!

Sometimes am sad.
Sometimes am happy, Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I tell people am good.
I put a smile on my face but when am alone, I always lose my mind. I try to be okay.
I smile so that people think am fine. I wear a happy smile. I keep my pain behind my happy smile. I cancel people around my shades but I can't cancel my self. When it comes to loving someone or love too much. I care too much. I give much time and company to the one I love. I don't give out many money, but I just buy gifts to the one I love.
My relationships don't last long. Just because of misunderstandings. I hate too much I don't do something but for the one love I do. I pretend to do something. I don't want to do that. Just am forced by the environment. I feel bad whenever the one I love are hurt. I tell and show people what I want them to know. I want to know more about the people next to me. I don't tell them what I am.
I show them what am not. When I look at people, I read them like an open book (one book, one chapter). I always sit alone. I don't hate. I just know something what they don't know. I like sitting outside late night to see how many stars are in the sky. It sounds mad. Who no one can count the stars. They are many art. They whenever I try to count them. My mind thinks alone. Sometimes!! I think of things. I don't even imagine.
I create new things. I like people who small talk with me. I learn from other people when she don't even notice. I always want to make my dreams true. When I start something I can't leave it unfinished.
I like people who always surprises me. I don't always have two people I call friends but I don't trust them.
I love art. It's my talent. I don't love it because of talent I love it because: When whenever am sad art is there for me, When ever am mad at someone art comes me down, When ever am heart broken art is there to pick all the broken pieces to one whole.
As a normal boy, I have crush on girls, I see many cute girls but I can't show them my feelings, Not because am shy, because I know they will reject or deject me. They will breaks my heart, they will take away my peace (I love too much and they will take that chance to mock me) and I also know that my relationships don't last longer.
I have a lot of pain. Some times I wish to have someone I can share my pain with.
Someone who can have endless talks with.
Someone who can take me as I am.
Someone who can understand me.
Someone who can ask me whether am sick or not.
Someone who can be free and open to me.
All I want is a partnership relationship with that someone.
And that's my life style.