tears 2.0

I've been doing this for years and i can’t get you out of my head,like
I've done this over and over again, cuz every time i think of what we've done
it turns into sobbing and guns (yeah) cuz every time i try to confront you it
turns into fighting and blood. Whenever I try to make it out alive you pull me
in and let me die. Every time I give you my heart you go and break it apart.
When I think of you it causes tears running down my face. I try not to think of
the past cuz it will cause tears running down my face, it is a race against
time gotta go to therapy. I think I need some therapy.(yeah) Cuz I’m about to
break down looking for a way out of this trauma. I think I need some therapy, I
gotta go to therapy. Cuz i miss your touch, your voice, your smile and the
feeling of embracement, when I'm alone, the silence is deafening. I need
you now more than ever. I need your love. I miss you more than my own
friends. I have this trauma from being in neglect from the past. I
can't imagine a life with you gone, this is unimaginable without
being in my own family. The past is in the past, that's what I can
tell you. Never hold on to the past. I can't imagine the future with
you gone. This depression is getting worse every day. I need you now,
and the memories of the past are making me scared of what would be
happening in the future. I am grateful for you adopting me. The
trauma has not benefited me for the love of my own family. This is
insane when I think of not being able to cope with all of this. The
day that all this went down was when I saw a body drop to the floor.
This all happened when I was four. I can’t hold on to this trauma
forever, I need to get this out whenever I'm at therapy. Focus on the
future and what it has in store for you. Never focus on the past.
Don’t think of the past and what it did to get you here. I was in
juvie when my precious cat went to a better place. I still have a
hole in my heart from her death. She was very close to me. I've been
in a state of decay since the day that I went to juvie. I have been
in a state of dismay ever since that day. That is not a way to say it
but i have not been happy since i went to juvie. The juvie is not a
place for me. I belong in a better place. That place is my own home.
That is a happier place for me, the feeling of being with my
siblings. My parents are the best because they are looking out for my
siblings and I. Let me know that you are ok because I am not ok to
know what you are going through. Just let me know now. Because you
use my past and my memories as a weapon. Stress on my shoulders like
a demon holding me down. I get this feeling from being watched like
there is a person standing there behind me. No matter what I do. I
miss my entire family no matter what I say. They come back and helpme break through all this trauma (I miss you). This trauma is getting
worse when I don't get it all out. The pain is silencing and the pain
is deafening. It just hurts when I think about the past. And now that
I am an adult I can not do things to go to jail forever. When I am
alone there is nowhere to go or stay. I don't know how this is all
happening, no clue on what is happening even though I don’t know all
the things that have me going through this pain and suffering. No
matter the cost i will bring my family back together